Staples
by ShinkisRule
Summary: <html><head></head>A silly little oneshot. Logan and Carlos have a few complaints about the album.</html>


**I remember the first time I saw the BTR album in stores. Krem and I were laughing for about five minutes. And then later when I got it from the library, it got even better, and this was just begging to be written. You'll see why in a moment, just read... Yeah, I kind of don't work in music or study technicalities such as sales numbers, so the numbers in this story may be a little unrealistic. But eh. Perhaps I could have looked it up. But I'm lazy. Does it matter?**

_Staples_

"Attention, all!" James bellowed in his big important voice, "All those present in apartment 2J, lend me your ears!"

Kendall, Logan, Mrs. Knight, and Katie all gathered around the neon orange couch. James looked over the group and noticed one was missing.

"Carlos!" he beckoned, and immedeately the helmeted head popped out from the swirly slide.

"Here!" Carlos proclaimed, raising his hand.

"Now that all are present," James continued, "I hereby-"

"Excuse me," Mrs. Knight interrupted.

"What?" James asked in his normal voice.

Mrs. Knight pointed to James's feet and raised her eyebrow. James then remembered mothers weren't all that fond of people standing on furniture.

"I'm making a speech," James defended, "I have to stand on something!"

"At least take off your shoes," Mrs. Knight ordered. James sighed and obeyed.

"Now," said James, returning to his authoritative tone, "I hereby declare Big Time Rush..."

James paused for dramatic effect. A drumroll played in his head, and as though he were accompanied by a fanfare, he pulled BTR's first album out from behind his back and raised it for the world (or rather, the five other people in the room) to see.

"...A full-fledged band!" James finished, followed by applause. He grinned with satisfaction and handed the CD to Mrs. Knight, who hadn't gotten a chance to see it yet. The rest of the band already had a quick look at an earlier version before the tour, but then all that stuff happened and no one had mentioned it up until now. Thankfully that was over. They still wanted a Sebastian.

"Is it in stores yet?" Mrs. Knight asked, smiling as she looked over the track list on the back.

"5,000 copies were sold the first day it was released," Kendall replied.

"Who took that picture?" Katie asked, looking over her mother's shoulder, "Logan looks huge."

"Let me see that," said Logan, snatching the CD from Mrs. Knight, rather rudely. After a few seconds of close examination, his eyes bulged.

Katie was right. He did look huge. And he wondered, too, what idiot took that picture? He remembered posing for that, but he didn't recall the proportions being all weird when the photographer showed it to them. They must have spent hours photoshopping that thing – what was that, a fish-eye lens or something? He didn't recall ever agreeing to _this_ as the album cover. What was wrong with that picture they took at the photo shoot for the poster in that teen magazine thing? Logan liked that picture. When they looked normal and he was the right size. But this? This one was just... No.

That, however, was not the biggest issue Logan had with the album cover.

Logan fell to his knees in horror. This couldn't be... Why? _Why_ was the world so cruel?

"They put the sticker on my face..." Logan uttered in defeat.

Silence fell among everyone in the room.

"Called it," James announced indifferently. It was true, actually – halfway through the process of making the album, the band had made unofficial bets on who would get the sticker on their face. James immedeately said it would be Logan. Actually, everyone did but Logan. He said Carlos just because picking himself was kind of stupid.

"Your face just happens to be in the corner where they usually put it," Carlos said in attempts of making Logan feel better.

"They could have put it down there!" Logan protested, pointing to the bottom-right corner.

"Tough break, buddy," said James, patting Logan on the shoulder as he walked by him.

"They put the sticker on my face..." Logan repeated.

Kendall walked up to Logan and took the CD from his hands. He looked at it for a moment in thought. He paused and nodded. Then he tore the plastic wrapping off, to which the sticker was attatched.

"Problem solved," said Kendall, handing the CD back to Logan.

He felt a little better, but still, that didn't really change the fact that they did it. Logan spent the rest of the day sitting in the corner brooding.

Now that it was opened, this would be the time for people to stare at the insert, because that was always necessary for reasons unknown. It was pretty basic, the lyrics on one page and a picture on the other. They weren't really artistic or deep pictures that represented the songs. They were just pictures of them. They were a boy band, so they had to be prepared for such advertising. James marvelled at the glory that was him for a little while, and then everyone else mentioned the huge idiot grin plastered onto his face in all the pictures. He stopped after that, but he was still convinced that he looked "good." Kendall noticed that in the middle of the insert (where the staples were), there was a two-page picture of the whole band. Everyone liked it; it seemed very trademark Big Time Rush. Kendall with his hat, Logan with his vest, James with his stupid grin, Carlos grinning looking equally silly but loveably so.

Carlos looked at the picture feeling even worse than Logan.

The staples were right in the middle of his head.

"NOOOOOOO!" Carlos screamed to the heavens.

"It's okay, Carlitos..." Kendall reassured, patting his friend's helmeted head, making an effort not to laugh.

"This isn't something that can be fixed by simply unwrapping it!" Carlos whined.

"Though couldn't one theoretically just remove the staple?" James asked, stroking his chin, in what was possibly the most intelligent sentence that would ever escape him.

"I'd still end up with little holes in my brain..." Carlos protested, sounding on the verge of tears.

"And that is why they invented tape," said James. It didn't really help, since Carlos just buried his face in Kendall's shoulder and started whimpering in a very Carlos-like fashion. Kendall hugged him back, but he still found difficulty taking it seriously.

"NOW do you see why I wear the helmet?"

THE END

_**The doctor said... WE NEED SOME STAPLES FOR HIS HEAD! **_

**Sorry, the opportunity for a Relient K reference was just too good to pass up. (_CA-CHUNK CA-CHUNK CA-CHUNK!) _Yeah, this story turned out kinda lame. I was hoping it'd be funnier... There ended up being a pretty big gap between making a story out of it versus just looking at the CD. Really, though, it was so funny when Krem and I first saw it... I was just like, "Awww, poor Logie." And the same thing happened with the staples in Carlos's head. Another thing I noticed was that every single picture of James made him look like an idiot. With his silly grin and how he looked like he was dancing in the 50's. So yeah, we both got a pretty good laugh out of the album. The songs were awesome, but the pictures were kinda ridiculous. This story was basically just all the silly things I noticed. It's pretty much what I wrote – they're a boy band, I would only expect such advertising. Like the Boyfriend video... Man, that was just weird... City Is Ours and Til I Forget About You had awesome videos, but I can't help but wonder if they had any say in Boyfriend XD So yeah. That's all I have to say for now. Review honestly. If you loved it, yay. If you hated it, say why. Actually, if you loved it, say why, too. I like to know what I did right AND what I did wrong. I'm sure all writers do... Hopefully I'll be hit with inspiration for another BTR fic soon. About Camille, because I'm dying to write for her... Arg, brain, give me something... Laters!**


End file.
